Calvary Children’s Ministry Blog

A young parent asked me the other day how I use discipline with children. Although being a teacher is different than being a parent, there are some principles that apply to both. These principles teach children discipline rather than punishing them for bad behavior.

1.Ensure child understands what she did wrong

Children repeat bad behavior when they do not understand what they did wrong. Imagine you get arrested by a police officer, taken to jail, sit there for a few hours, and then released to go home. At no time does anyone explain to you why you were arrested. You would be outraged and demand to know why you were arrested. Why would you expect anything less from a child? You should make every effort to make it clear to a child what she did wrong.

Although they will not always understand, you should explain to them why what they did was wrong, especially when the bad behavior is dangerous to the child or others. If a child is jumping off the monkey bars, you don’t have to explain the laws of gravity, just the results—the child could get hurt by jumping from such a high place.

2.Don’t use food for punishment or reward

Children need consistency and this is where the problem with food rewards begins. The one time you do not give food as a reward (you forgot to get candy at the store) the child can become confused and think they have done something wrong. When practiced on a regular bases, children begin to relate getting food with “being good” and withholding of food with “being bad.” Children will begin to expect rewards for good behavior and act out when they don’t get it. Instead, reward them with your love, hugs, and kisses.

This issue also carries with it many health problems. If at an early age children learn a system of reward through food, they are in danger of developing eating disorders. For example, a teenager who punishes herself for being bad by not eating or who comforts herself by overeating. Remember, the idea is to teach discipline. Food rewards teach habits that could harm children later in life.

3.Make consequences related to the misbehavior

This is a simple concept to understand, but it is sometimes difficult to do. It requires you to think about the issue rather than react to the issue. If Johnny throws his toys, the toys are taken away. If Susie writes all over herself with markers, she will not be allowed to use the markers. Although it may be tempting, these consequences are not for all of eternity. To prevent any unintentional disobedience make sure the child knows how long the consequence will be in affect.

You also should be aware that children will use this against you. Sometimes, they will act out in order to not have to do something. In this case, the appropriate action is to make them do it anyway. I once had two sister who could not do an activity together without fussing. One folded up her arms and said, “I’m not doing it!” My reaction was to guide them to do it by cooperating to complete the task together without fussing. They did, and I rewarded them with praise.

Although this list is not all there is to child discipline, I believe these are the core principles to child discipline. It is important to remember the idea behind discipline is to teach the children and not to harm them. Always ask yourself whether your form of discipline will harm the child physically, mentally, or emotionally. Sometimes, you will get it wrong. When you do, don’t think you are a bad parent. Instead, remind yourself how you can do better next time. When it comes to rewards, give them the reward they really crave the most—your love, time, and attention.

And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”

-Romans 10:15

On July 11-14, Tina Jervis and I took three children from the church and Child Enrichment Center after school program to PassportKids Camp in Crossville, TN. The camp theme was Barefoot, and the verse of the week was Romans 10:15. The children had many great experiences at the camp, and I would like to take a few minutes to share their experiences with you.

The children enjoyed all the things you would expect at camp: swimming, canoeing, arts and crafts, and sports. What makes PassportKids different is the Bible study and missions.

Our four lessons for the week were:

1. Trust — Trust God to lead us to the right place
2. Follow — Follow Jesus wherever he leads
3. Share — Share with those around me
4. Serve — Do for others as Jesus has done for me

Every morning the children spent time alone with God. They had their “passports” to guide them through their quiet time. The children were good about taking this time to spend alone with God to prepare for the day. A good practice to learn.

We began each day with the Celebration. A time of fun and games to prepare for the day ahead. After the celebration was Bible study and recreation. Each day the children spent time with their Bible study groups learning about God and Jesus. The adults also have a Bible study time, learning from the same passage as the children.

Digging a well Ethiopian-style

In the afternoons, the children enjoyed their selected activities as well as missions studies. This year they learned about the value of water in countries like Ethiopia. They got hands-on experience on how missionaries help the people of Ethiopia dig wells so they can have fresh, clean water. They also got to spend time with a real missionary who shared her experiences and stories about serving in a foreign country. The exciting thing is the missionary at the camp was one we had learned about in our own mission studies on Wednesday nights.

Every night we gathered together for worship. Worship at Passport is unique because the children lead much of the service, through the procession, litanies, skits, and music. Our pastor for the week, shared a sermon related to the topic of the day, and we concluded with a challenge to go and do what we had learned. After worship, we spent time together as a church group, debriefing the worship service and the day (sort of our own little Talk-Back time).

We ended each day with a party. The first night was the messiest games you can imagine. If you came up on the party and didn’t know what was happening, you would think total chaos had broken loose. The second night is Market Night. The staff of PassportKids set up a mock Ethiopian market place. This gave the children a chance to experience and learn about culture of Ethiopia. The third night was the talent show, a chance for the children to share their talents with their fellow campers.

I hope you have enjoyed this small glimpse into the Passport camp experience. Because the camp is only for those completing 3-6 grade, our group was small this year, but we have many upcoming third graders who will be eligible to go next year, so we are looking forward to even more happy campers next year.

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Topic: God is with me, Jesus is God, the Bible helps us know God

Scripture: Psalm 118:6

Needed: Small fan, small pieces of paper, Bible

Sermon

Good morning, children. Have you ever seen the wind? Why not? We may not be able to see the wind, but we can see what the wind does. (Use a small fan to blow pieces of paper.) We can also feel the wind. (Blow the fan on your face. Have the children hold up their hands some they can feel the wind from the fan.)

Just like the wind, we cannot see God. Trusting God even though we cannot see him is called faith.  But we do have the Bible that tells us about God. The Bible tells us that Jesus was God coming down to earth so we could see him, touch him, and hear him. That’s why it is important for us to read the Bible, especially the stories about Jesus. The Bible tells us what God is like and how we can know him.

Even though we cannot see God, he is always with us. (Read or have an older children read Psalm 118:6.) It is good to know that God is with us.

Prayer

Dear God, thank you for being with us. Thank you for giving us the Bible so we can know you. Amen.

For young children, adults greatly alter the public space around them. Everything is up for younger children. Adults tower over them, looking down on them from their space up high. A scolding parent looms over a child, and she can feel small and helpless from her perspective closer to the ground. Their small stature puts them in a position where they are unable to see and explore the world around them when surrounded by adults.

As someone who works with children, I have become keenly aware of the young child’s plight. Though I’m average height for a man, to a young child, I am King Kong. I make every effort to lower myself down to the child’s level, by kneeling or sitting next to them. In crowds, a boost up onto the shoulders or up onto a chair allows the child to see what everyone else sees. In church, I recommend parents sit with their children close to the front or allow them to stand in the pews when everyone stands. This allows the child to see what is happening in the service and allows them to experience the worship service with the rest of the congregation.